Sometimes it’s hard to see them isn’t it?

I have much to be thankful for don’t I? Sometimes I can’t see them through the fog though. Like tonight. Tonight I can feel that I’m slipping into the perfect mood for a long sleepless, brooding night. I can’t do that again. Last week saw precious little sleep and I need to find ways to avoid that. Especially given that my notice ends tomorrow and the hard stuff will really begin.

Often I say things like “It could be worse!”. And it could. So I think it’s time I took those words to heart.

I have many things to smile about.

I have 2 beautiful children. My daughter is amazing. She is growing into a funny, caring young lady. I’ve had nothing but compliments about her manners and determination and spirit and every one makes my heart swell.

My son is the funniest guy I know. 3 years old and an inspiration to us all about finding the meaning to life – smile more, laugh more and hug more!

Both of them give me a reason to live, love and grow. They are the reason I have this need to create a home. To create a stable place for them to flourish.

I am blessed because come the day the Bailiffs warrant is here I won’t be tucking my children into a cardboard box. I know I won’t end up on the streets. I use the word homeless about this situation because that is what I will be. Without a home for my family – a stable, secure home. But I will have somewhere to sleep. It may not be pretty or perfect but it should be safe and dry at least. More then those that sleep on the street have. For this I am grateful.

I have a cat – when he decides to come home! I’m grateful for his fluffy snuggles! Silly I know.

I am lucky to live in a country that provides Benefits for those that are struggling. I’ve never knocked this money. I’ve never moaned it isn’t enough. I work with what I have to live within my means and I am thankful for every penny I get.

I am grateful that next year I may get the opportunity to study at University. I know there’s a fuss about loans and everything but without them I’d never be able to go. And University gives me an amazing chance to go out and provide for my family, to pay back into the society that is currently supporting me.

My children are not hungry. I make sure of that. They have clean drinking water and are healthy and growing. They get to go to school and get an education. I know so many children don’t have these things around the world.

I am not fleeing violence. My family and I are safe which is something I will never take for granted.

Tonight I’m counting these blessings. I am focusing on the good things however tiny they feel in comparison to the scary stuff.

I am lucky. I just need to remember that.

Now, if I can just work on these feelings of guilt I might get some sleep….


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